Des questions concernant des phrases d'exemple avec, et la définition et l'utilisation de "Motivation"

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Q: Motivation letter for a study program
I am not sure if I wrote it correctly



Why would you be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program?

I would like to be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program because I am active, sociable and inquisitive.
I can't just stay at home and not be curious about what's going on around me.
I can't stand indifference towards people around us, towards nature, towards everything around us.

I think this program will help me to gain self-confidence and great experience that will help me to work harder and harder to bring benefits to my homeland and why not other countries also if it is needed.

As a student and as a youth I have been using my years of youngster to help others, especially children, because during these hard times it is very difficult for them to orient about their future profession, about what they like and what they want.
In these times of computer technology it is very important to make them to come libraries, to deal with books, to love books and cherish them.
I myself hold clubs of different aspects at library in order to keep this wonderful habit of going to library and enjoy the moments one has when he learns something new, to use the goods of new technology only to study and learn.

As well as going somewhere, such as university, library, school, clubs, etc., where all the people have the same or similar interest is an irreplaceable factor to develop mentally and psychologically.

The Global UGRAD Program will give this kind of chances.
I like exchange of, experience, ideas and thoughts. There is a lot of things to learn from others especially from someone older than you.

I always try to have good relations with my professors at university, which helps me to gain a lot of knowledge, to learn the art and techniques of study to think and act and live as a mature person.

There are incredibly well-learning students, who can be a great example to learn from them, both as a student and as person. I take part many volunteering activities, which help me to learn to deal with people of different ages, sex, position and social status. Being a participant in Global UGRAD Program would help me get acquainted with other people's cultures, habits, religion, social, behavior, rules, etc. and why not, to help them know about mine. So my homeland, Armenia is not a very big country but there are lots of things that can be very useful and interesting to learn and know.
Global UGRAD Program will be a great chance for me to show up with new ideas, new thoughts, to have my small investment in developing of the world, developing of the mankind. I will work hard to co-operate and implement new ideas, new programs to bring benefits in the world developing, world renewing work.
To make the world a better place.
A: "I would be a great participant in the Global UGRAD Program because I am active, sociable, and inquisitive. I can't just stay at home and not be curious about what's going on around me. I also can't stand indifference towards people around us or towards nature (adding "towards everything around us" is a little redundant so I took it out)

I think this program will help me gain self-confidence and give me the experience that will help me to work hard to bring benefits to my homeland as well as other countries that may need it.

As a student and as a youth I have been using my time to help others, especially children, to help them think about what they may want to do in the future, especially if it involves something they like and something they may want to do.

In these times of abundant computer technology, it is very important to make them visit libraries, to handle books, and to love and cherish books. I myself hold several clubs at the library in order to keep the wonderful tradition of going to the library alive, to enjoy the moments one has when they learn something new, and to show that we should only rely on technology to study and learn. (Maybe add why books are better than technology here? Or discuss other way people use technology and explain why going to a library would be better.)

Going to a place such as a university, library, school, etc. where people have similar interests is an irreplaceable factor to develop psychologically (mentally and psychologically mean almost the same thing. Also you should probably elaborate on this a little more.)

The Global UGRAD Program will give these kinds of chances to exchange experiences, ideas, and thoughts. There are a lot of things to learn from others, especially from those with more life experience.

I always try to have good relations with my professors at university which helps me gain more knowledge, to learn the art and technique of studying, and to act and live as a mature person.

There are incredibly well-learning students who can be a great example to learn from, both as a student and as an individual. I take part in many volunteering activities which help me to learn to work with people of different ages, genders, and social status. (position and status are almost the same, so I got rid of "position".) Being a participant in Global UGRAD Program would help expose me to other people's cultures, habits, religion, ideas, behavior, etc. and to also teach them about mine. My homeland of Armenia is not very large but there are a lot of things that can be very interesting and useful to learn about it. The Global UGRAD Program will be a great chance for me to bring fresh ideas, new thoughts, and to help me invest a little help in the development of the world, and the development of mankind. I will work hard to cooperate with others and implement new ideas and new programs to bring benefits into the developing world and to help make the world a better place."


All in all you did a great job, I just chance some word order and word choices to help make it sound more natural. Good luck to you!

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